What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Everclear isn't food dammit
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize