he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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