so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
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Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
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I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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