took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
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I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
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Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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