Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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