does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize