why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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