So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
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On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
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The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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