why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
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All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
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Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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