I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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