hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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