i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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