you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize