I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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