Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
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Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
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Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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