I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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