I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
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Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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