This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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