a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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