my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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