Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
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Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
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We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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