Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
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I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
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Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize