my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
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We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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