Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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