I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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