dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
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You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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