I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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