"it" just moved
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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