fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize