you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
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Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
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First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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