Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
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I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
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You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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