I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
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The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
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Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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