you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
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I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
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she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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