k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize