Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
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I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
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No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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