Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
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How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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