my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
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A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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