if i can run in heels then i can drive
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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