pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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