Duck Duck Cougar?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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