I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
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Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
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I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize