I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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