He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize