yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
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The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
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Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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