just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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