you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she told me i tasted like america
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Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
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I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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