he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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