I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
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