Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize