Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize